


Even At Your Weakest

by moose_impala



Series: Even At Your Weakest [1]
Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Loss of Virginity, NSFW Art, Oral Sex, Reader-Insert, Sick Character, Vaginal, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:56:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moose_impala/pseuds/moose_impala
Summary: It was one hell of a night, that’s for damn sure. Your father was in the hospital in a diabetic coma, your mother refused to see him, and Roman fucking Godfrey just moved into your house and into your fucking room no less. This is a multi chapter work still in progress with more chapters and more story development to come.





	1. A little update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! New chapters are coming soon!

Hello all! I am so sorry things have been slow lately with the posting schedule. Amid the chaos of COVID-19 my school decided to switch to online learning. This means my schedule will be a bit more flexible and I will be able to write some more (hopefully). I already have the next few chapters written but I am in the process of editing and my friend is helping me beta. I will be posting again soon and on a more regular schedule. My hope is to have a new chapter out ever 5-7 days. Thank you all for following this story and for all the love you've shown! And again, thank you for your patience! Much love, Moose_Impala


	2. Here He Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been one hell of a night, that’s for damn sure. Your father was in the hospital in a diabetic coma, your mother refused to see him, and Roman fucking Godfrey just moved into your house and into your fucking room no less.
> 
> This is a work in progress. New chapter will be posted regularly!

**Chapter I**

It had been one hell of a night, that’s for damn sure. Your father was in the hospital in a diabetic coma, your mother refused to see him, and Roman fucking Godfrey just moved into your house and into your fucking room no less. 

Your father had diabetes since you were a little kid so you were used to things like cuts healing slowly and blood sugar drops. Hell, you had several scares with Ketoacidosis even. But he had gone and done himself in real good this time.

Your mother refused to go to the hospital. She said it was because he should have known better. The two of you had been warning him for years. That still didn’t make up for her lack of sympathy, compassion, empathy, or overall motherly nature. 

And then there was him.

Roman

Fucking

Godfrey.

You and that little fucker had been friends since 2nd grade. He tried to buy your favorite power rangers lunch box from you and when you told him no he was dumbfounded. He took a liking to you after that; probably because you stood up to him and no one else would. You loved Roman and would die for him but he was a pain in your ass. Looking back it’s funny how six year olds even knew the Godfreys weren’t to be tampered with. Especially Olivia, and especially Olivia when it came to Roman. Funny... that’s how you ended up with Roman _Fucking_ Godfrey in your house, in your room, to begin with. 

That tyrannical whore had hit Roman again and he finally had enough of it. After waking up from that coma (which scared the shit out of you) Olivia decided it was time for Roman to fully kneel at her feet. When he refused and swore that he was grown and knew how to do good, unlike her, she grabbed him by the throat, pushed him up against the wall, and smacked him till his cheeks bled, all while telling him how much of a disappointment he was. He finally bucked up and mesmerized her when she told him he was a coward like his father. She was just as shocked as he was as she fell to the ground and saw the blood trickle from his nose onto her pristine marble floors. He triumphantly strode over to her and looked her in the eyes again, declaring, “It’s a fucking honor to be like Norman. He’s a good man, too good for you.” He waltzed out the door and showed up at your house. When Roman arrived he was still bleeding, still crying, and still pissed off. To say Roman scared you was an understatement. You knew he would never hurt you, and you knew he cared for you, but you also knew just how dangerous he could really be. You were Roman’s best friend and he was yours. He told you everything. He told you about the girls he fucked, the guys he kissed, the pain he felt. He told you about the first time he discovered he could mesmerize people. You were the first person he came to when he discovered Norman was his real father. Roman even told you about his infatuation with blood and how he didn’t know what it meant but felt it might be connected to his powers. He felt that every time he bled and tasted his own blood his ability enhanced. None of this part of Roman scared you. The Roman that scared you shitless was the one who hated himself and would stop at nothing to destroy himself. And that… that would destroy you too.

All that was two nights ago. So here you were with Roman Godfrey living in your house, your father in the hospital, and your mother in the bitchiest of moods you’d seen yet (and that was saying something).


	3. Always There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman was always there for you, even at your weakest.

**Chapter II**

  
  


No one but you really knew Roman. Not even Letha or Shelly knew him the way you did. You knew how when he lies his voice wavers on the last syllable. You knew how when he sleeps he dreams and scrunches his face up, like a baby when you blow air on their face and they close their eyes. You knew how his eyes turned brighter when he was happy, and darker when he was full of lust. You knew how he has struggled with self harm for years. You knew how his mother is of Swedish royal descent and how Roman has her accent sometimes. When he’s mad his accent comes out even more and you can’t help but marvel at how each syllable rolls off his tongue like black coffee being poured into a crisp white mug; so dark and rich filling the pure air.

Despite you and Roman being so close, nothing sexual ever happened between the two of you. In fact, you were still a virgin. Roman teased you about it relentlessly whenever he got the chance. You would take care of yourself when you need to and that’s that. “There’s no one here worth boning,” you told him, to which he always feigned feeling hurt and finally let up on his teasing. Ultimately he agreed with you though, Roman knew there was no one good enough for you in this God forsaken town. 

Sometimes he wondered why he never made you his but then he remembers all the memories the two of you have and it scares the hell out of him to think he might ruin that. Roman loved you and he knew he could love you right but he never allowed himself to feel that type of love because of his fear. So he repressed the feelings and continued to tease you about just how perfect you really are....

When you were 12 you’re best friend died. It was a rather odd situation to say he was your best friend but nothing else really fit. Otis was an older gentleman that helped raise you. He and his wife took care of you after you were born and you loved them more than anything in the world. When Otis died from cancer your world fell apart. Everyone left except for him. Roman stayed for you. He let you cry, he let you scream, he let you punch him even, and he never complained. He even called your mom out for making you stay with her in Otis and Bea’s house after Otis died. He saw your first self harm scars and he helped you through many panic attacks throughout high school. He even let you stay at his house when your mother hit you, which he made sure only happened once. Roman was always there, especially when no one else was.

He told you he would be there, even at your weakest.


	4. A Long Trial Ahead Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about how your father went into the hospital and gives a little bit of background on the relationship between the reader, her mother, and Roman.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Depiction of panic attack

**Chapter III**

You were driving home from work when your dad called you, and didn’t sound right. He was in the parking lot at the local grocery store and said he needed you to come help him because he didn’t feel good and didn’t think he should be driving. When you got to him he was already passed out from low blood sugar. He was limp, draped over the steering wheel like a wet washcloth on a towel hook. You ripped open the door and nearly fell trying to catch him from falling out. Once you checked his shallow pulse, you called an ambulance, barely, due to your shaking hands, and waited. Your mind was racing and you were loosing control of yourself. Your fear surrounded you and all you could see was you father’s pale lips as he wheezed and your brain kept saying _ “he is going to die.” _ You tried to put some candy in his mouth, but even with some sugar he remained unconscious. You called your mother in the ambulance on the ride to the hospital, she told you to stay with him and make sure you gave them all his medical information then hung up on you. When you arrived at the hospital you called Roman, who came to your side immediately.

“Roman, please come to Mercy and bring mom. Dad is in a coma and I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out! They are asking me all these questions that I don’t know the answers to and they haven’t been able to wake him up and he’s so pale!” Your breathing was labored and quick, interfering with your conversation and making you undoubtedly hard to understand in a fit of panic.

“Y/N, listen. Take a couple deep breaths. Sit up straight and go try to find some water, not coke or anything, just plain water. Can you do that for me?” Roman’s measured voice echoed through your phone.

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.” You began breathing like he instructed and set out to find water.

“I’m going to be there in ten minutes, what can I bring you?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Just bring mom. She knows about his medicines so she can tell the doctors what they need to know. You finally took a big gulp of water and hung up, waiting on Roman and your mother to arrive, but when he came he was alone.

You asked him why your mother wasn’t with him, and he couldn’t bring himself to tell you that she simply refused to come. Of course he could have mesmerized her and made her come, but he knew you wouldn’t approve of that and it would have made things worse right now anyways.

Roman stayed with you until they got your father in a hospital room and had him hooked up to a saline drip. They gave him some other medicines or fluids in his IV that brought his blood sugar back up but there were still no signs of him coming out of it yet. The doctors told you that he may be in a diabetic coma for a few hours or a few days. So you stayed and held your father’s hand and waited. 

You asked Roman to go check on your mom and to come pick you up in a few hours. “ I just need you to see if she will come. When I talked to her on the phone she didn’t seem okay and I’m worried she is in shock. I know you don’t like her but having her here would really help everything.”

Roman was baffled by your grace towards your mother in the current situation. If it were up to him he would have torn her to bits and made her come to be there for you and your dad. “I will go and see what I can do. Are you sure I can’t get you to come with me?”

“No, no. I don’t want him to wake up alone.” You gave him a tearful smile and hugged him long and hard before he went back home. You pulled the reclining chair up to the side of the bed and settled in for the night. Eventually sleep overtook you but it was filled with nightmares and evil things.

You woke up to Roman’s hand gently shaking your shoulder and when you looked over at the clock you saw it was 4:23 A.M. . Your father hadn’t shown any signs of progress and the nurse who came in every few hours had assured you she would call you as soon as anything even minute happened so you let Roman drive you home in silence, which was what you needed at the moment.

You walked in to find your mother waking up for the day, it was nearly 6:30 now so she had slept later than her usual. She was putting on a pot of coffee in her bathrobe and slippers and acting like nothing had happened. She took one look at the two of you walking in the door and said, “Well, you look exhausted; go to bed.” 

You were so pissed that you actually listened. You got a hot shower, put on your favorite pajamas, and headed towards your room. Well, yours and Romans at this point. 

Your mother was not a fan of Roman living with you. She had made him sleep on the couch the first night, but the next day he had a bed delivered and set up in your room, and well, not even your mother could stop that from happening. Your father was fine with it because he -like a reasonable human- treated you like an adult and knew that if you and Roman were going to fuck he couldn’t stop you or you would have already 

You walked into your room and let out a rather loud groan as you observed Roman’s bed taking up half of your space. You got an evil idea and decided to act upon it. You climbed in between Roman’s dark brown sheets and wrapped yourself in the luscious comforter. His bed was admittedly much better than yours, and you felt little to no guilt about stealing his bed for the moment, although you assumed it would be short lived when he came in and saw you. His scent, pine, whiskey, and cigarettes, enveloped you and made you somewhat giddy and high.

You could hear him and your mother talking in the kitchen. Little snippets of the conversation could be deciphered here and there. You could tell he was helping her put away the dishes, which filled you with an odd sense of joy and astonishment since he actively avoided the woman or was fully confrontational when forced to be around her. You could also hear your mother raise her voice in her own defense when he questioned her about her lack of appearance at the hospital. He got pissed off then, and stopped. You heard his footsteps near your shared room, so you turned over quickly and pretended to be asleep. One last glimpse at his alarm clock told you that you had listened to them for 20 minutes and it was now past 7 A.M. As you stilled you realized how tight and exhausted your muscles were. It was only 7? It was going to be a very long trial ahead of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was substantially longer. I got more into the story when I knew what I wanted it to be. With the first two chapters being background I feel like we are really into the meat of the story now and can get some longer and more involved chapters in!


	5. In His Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman comforts you as you fall apart in his arms.

**Chapter IV**

  
  


Roman opened your door and grinned when he saw you struggling to be still as your lay in his bed. Ah, the thoughts that coursed through his mind at the idea of you finally being in HIS bed. He put those thoughts away as the image of you hunched over your father’s hand in that stark white hospital room rose condemning in his mind. He sauntered over to you and knocked on the wooden frame of the bed, causing you to jump and look at him with big doe eyes. His resolve melted the second your eyes met his. He let out a rather dramatic sigh and said, “Okay, I’ll let you stay. Scoot over.” 

To your utter amazement, Roman Godfrey was crawling into his own bed with you. You stiffened for a moment when his body brushed up against you, but then you relaxed and receded into his warmth.  _ Men are like their own personal space heaters _ ran through your mind as you felt his body heat seep through you and warm your soul. You rolled over a bit to look at him, and your walls shattered. 

One single tear spilled over, and you were a goner. You began to sob and Roman just pulled you into himself and wrapped his large, strong frame around you. You fell asleep then, rather quickly, listening to his steady heartbeat and feeling his large hand rub designs on your back. 

When you woke, you were practically on top of Roman. Your left leg was on top of his torso and part of his right leg (damn him for being so tall), your arms were firmly wrapped around him, and your head was laying on his chest. His arm was under you and his legs were all tangled with yours. You laid there watching him for a moment. You thought to yourself,  _ he truly is beautiful. _

“It’s rude to stare, you know?” Roman’s raspy voice came out of his throat. You must have jumped ten feet in the air. You hit Roman on the chest and giggled a bit.

“You scared the shit out of me, Roman Godfrey!” you said, between giggles.

“Oh, is that what that smell is?” Roman quipped as he peeked through one eye and smirked at you.

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, and you felt the atmosphere in the room change. Something that had never happened before was happening between you, and Roman and you didn’t know how you were supposed to feel about it.

Right as the electricity in the room was about to reach its climax, your door swung open and your Mom looked in with disdain. Roman looked her in the eye and commanded, “Go see your husband and don’t come back till Y/N and I meet you at the hospital.” Your mother backed out of the room, shut the door and walked away. Roman turned back to you with a shit-eating grin as blood began to trickle out of his nose. You looked at him with bewildered amusement as he retrieved a tissue from his nightstand and cleaned his face.

“Don’t you ever do that to me.” it came out as a whisper but Roman knew how serious you were about ordering him to never mesmerize you.

“I would never, I swear.” You detected a bit of his accent when he said it, it must have hurt him that you even asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome!


	6. A True Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman admits his true feelings.

**Chapter V**

  
  
  


You heard the front door shut, and a moment later the sound of gravel in the driveway faded to nothing. You lay your head back down on Roman’s chest and took a deep breath. He smelt like cedar trees, whiskey, and cigarettes, just like his sheets; although there was something a little different that you couldn’t quite place, something uniquely him that hadn’t spread to his sheets. You couldn’t help the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes again. You felt Roman’s hand reach under your chin and he pulled your head up to look at him right as the first tear fell. You swatted it away angrily with your night-shirt sleeve and began to ramble off apologies about crying in front of him. For being in his bed. For the whole stupid night. For everything. His grip on you tightened and his hold on your chin never faltered as he watched you fall apart. You felt so exposed, vulnerable, and scared. His arms around you grounded you and kept you from completely falling into a panic attack. When you were finally done trying to apologize, he whisked away the last stray tear and brushed his thumb against your swollen bottom lip. 

“Y/N, I’m never going to leave you. Not even at your weakest. I promise.”

The electricity from earlier was all back at once as you finally looked deep into Roman’s forest-green eyes. His pupils were blown and his breathing shallow. When he spoke, his accent was so thick you almost lost control just hearing the words slip out. Your eyes traveled down to his plump, pink lips for a brief second, then came back up to bore into his eyes again. The movement didn’t go unnoticed and he ever so slightly tightened his grip on your chin and moved closer. He wanted to give you plenty of time to back out if you didn’t want this. That voice in the back of his head screaming and telling him not to fuck things up by doing this was nothing compared to the voice screaming at him to kiss you and tell you how much he truly loved you. 

The moment his lips brushed against yours, you sighed and leaned in fully. Instinct took over your body as you pressed your lips to his and tried to pour all your jumbled emotions into the kiss. When you pulled away and looked back into Roman’s eyes you were shocked to see they had turned nearly emerald green; they seemed almost electric, brighter and more alive than you’d seen them before.

Roman’s hand on your chin loosened a bit as his other arm came around to stroke your cheek. “I love you Y/N. I always have, and I always will. I want what’s best for you, and if that’s not me, then I understand.”

He was so quiet and his accent was so heavy that you had to process what he had just said. Roman fucking Godfrey just admitted his undying love for you and said he would be willing to let you go if you didn’t love him back. What. The. Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave comments and let me know what you think!


	7. Putty In My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and the reader finally talk things out and things get a little fun.

**Chapter VI**

  
  


You just stared at him for a moment. You didn’t know how to answer him so you did what felt right. You leaned in and kissed him again, this time with even more passion than the last. You felt Roman’s body freeze under you for a moment and then he welcomed you back to him and his arms once again circled around your torso to hold you. Roman nibbled on your bottom lip a bit which caused you to gasp in surprise. As soon as your lips parted his tongue slipped into your mouth, soothing itself against your own tongue and exploring you in the most delicious way. He tasted like honey and coffee and something unique, perhaps blood? There was a slight metallic taste to it. Your mind didn’t focus on how he tasted entirely too long before the only thought in your head was, “Holy Fuck.” Roman Fucking Godfrey was sucking your tongue and hot damn you never knew something could feel so good. A slight whimper escaped you as he pulled away and pecked your lips and face a few more times.

“Was that okay?” Roman asked sheepishly, which made you bark with laughter.

“Was that  _ okay _ ? Holy fuck Roman. You sucked my fucking tongue,” you responded, truthfully.

“Huh. Well I would have done it longer if I had known I would get that kind of response,” he quipped, and winked at you. 

He flipped the two of you over which made you squeal before his lips came crashing down against your again. This kiss was slower and sloppier and almost like Roman was trying to worship your mouth with his movements. The whole thing was dizzying and honestly the hottest thing you had ever experienced. He leaned back and looked into your eyes. He seemed to be probing into your soul, exploring every single part. Suddenly you realized you hadn’t answered Roman’s statement with anything other than that kiss.

“I love you too. I trust you. I want you.” It came out like a prayer.

Roman practically growled when the words left your mouth. He kissed all over your face, down to your neck, around your collar bones, all over. He was everywhere. His hands were holding your sides and his left leg was between yours. You could feel him restraining himself from pushing it right up against you. Your head was spinning as your emotions and senses were overcome by Roman. That beautiful boy had you like putty in his hands and you were completely content with your current state. Little sounds were beginning to fall from your mouth as one of his hands slipped under your night shirt and began to caress your skin. He was so gentle and restrained that it almost scared you. He was overloading your senses and it was all too much but it was also pretty damn frustrating that he wasn’t doing more. He was holding himself back; the rigidness in the muscles of his biceps, the lack of pressure against your core as his thigh stayed at a respectable distance, his measured breaths, all confirmed his restraint. The muscles of his biceps rippled under your fingers and his breath hitched in his throat. You took great pride in knowing you were drawing out that reaction from Roman Godfrey. 

The realization hit that he was just as much putty in your hands and you were in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Hope you're enjoying this. Please leave me comments and kudos if you like what I've written or have any suggestions!


	8. A Brave Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader makes a brave confession. 
> 
> The next chapter is basically all smut which is why I broke it up into two smaller chapters leading up to it. Things get pretty heavy after this, and the chapters start getting longer as well.

**Chapter VII**

  
  


The two of you were in a mess of tangled limbs and sheets, rolling around embracing each other in tight squeezes. Roman was growing hard against you and you were getting wetter by the second. One of his hands was slowly stroking you through your pajama bottoms and the other was pinching your nipple as his tongue attacked the other. Your pajama top had been discarded at some point, but you weren’t really worried about that at the moment. You were sighing, moaning lowly, and making all kinds of noises that Roman drank in like a man parched in the desert. 

Roman slowly leaned up and kissed up your neck. He took a moment to suck a hickey onto your sweet spot behind your ear and then came back to your lips. His hands were both on your breasts now, and you were becoming claustrophobic with all this clothing on the two of you. In a moment of bravery you slipped your hand under his shirt and yanked it over his head. He helped you get it the rest of the way off and leaned back into you. The smirk on his face didn’t go unnoticed before he nibbled on your ear drawing more sounds you didn’t know you could make out of you. His chest made contact with yours, the light tickle of his fine chest hairs drove you crazy and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Roman Godfrey you’re a fucking tease,” you breathed, trying to slip a hand between your bodies to stroke him through his sweatpants. 

Roman grabbed your hand and weaved his fingers between yours. He did the same to your other hand and brought both of them over your head, pinning them to the pillow behind you. He had that lustful dark look in his eyes and a wolfish grin on his lips. 

“Y/N. What do you want?”

The words shattered your brain. You didn’t know how to explain what you wanted. All you could do was lay there under his hungry gaze and let out a slight whimper. Your senses were filled with Roman; the way his hair hung slightly in his eyes, the midday light coming through your window, making little designs on his heaving chest, his captivating eyes, piercing into you and reading you like an open book. Your voice finally came back with a boldness you didn’t know you had.

“I want you to take my virginity Roman Godfrey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos motivate me to write. Let me know what yall think so far.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments and let me know you liked/disliked!


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